Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
