don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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