she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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