i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
