White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
