I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
