yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
