Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
