Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize