She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
