guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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