This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
