I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
