I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize