i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Still dying that you shit outside
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
