can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
