dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize