i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
