I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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