i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
