While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
