I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize