he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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