come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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