Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
pray to the hookup gods
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
