Don't make out with my wife yet
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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