I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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