i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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