She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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