If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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