I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
