last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
