If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
