dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
