dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
