What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
