You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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