Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
