Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize