Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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