ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
