Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
