i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
