I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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