I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
