I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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