I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
