that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
