Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
