someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
