so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
