Everything about him screamed your future.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize