she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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