You really coming over, don't trick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
