Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
