so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
