There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
