woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
