so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
