so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
