he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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