Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
