Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
