Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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