Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
