pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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