At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
