The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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