How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
