how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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