There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
