Whod you bang
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
