hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
