found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
