My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize