why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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