There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
