would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
